California. Love.

Growing up in Iowa in the seventies, I did not have much interaction with people who were not caucasian. When I graduated from high school, my parents moved to New Jersey and I eventually landed at Tulane University in New Orleans. When I think about it now, it seems as if going from a place that was at least three quarters white (Des Moines) to a place that was at least three quarters black (New Orleans) should have been a culture shock. But it wasn't. I had absolutely no preconceived ideas about what I would encounter. At all. New Orleans is dangerous. It can be rough. I did see a tamale vendor get stabbed outside of KB Drugs. I saw a few black chicks grab each other by the weaves and smash each others faces into the counter at Popeye's at five am one time. I saw a lot of poverty. But I had seen poverty before when I lived in southern Iowa as a child. White poverty. But poverty nonetheless. Beyond those few incidents, I never saw anything that was particularly shocking to me. I interacted with black people every day and I found them to be interested in the same things in which I was interested in at that time in my life. Music. Movies. Religion. The extreme weather. Politics. Family.

After college, I moved to Phoenix. There, I encountered a burgeoning Latino population. The culture of the West is noticeably different from that of the South. And different still from the Midwest. But again, no big surprises. When you don't have any particular expectation, you don't really get surprised. I had my purse stolen one time by a Hispanic kid. I saw a Mexican chick pull a blade on another one in a bar one time. But other than that, looking back over twenty years, I cannot think of even one negative encounter I ever had with a Latino person. Ever. Plus I had some white investment bankers try to steal my business and bankrupt me one time, so those aforementioned crimes seem pretty minor to me by comparison. I interacted with Latinos daily and, as I had in New Orleans, I found them to have the same basic interests that I had in my life.

Now, I live in California. I don't spend one second thinking about anyones race or ethnicity at this point. Nor sexual orientation. Los Angeles is so ethnically and sexually diverse, it seems like anything short of spotting two or three full burqas a day on the heels of overhearing a lunch conversation between a girl and her mother shopping for her quinceanera and then having to duck so that you don't photo bomb the picture that a Japanese family is taking on Sunset with a drag queen, would be abnormal. While it seems as if the experiences I have had in my adult life should have changed my mind in some way about these minority groups, they have not. I mean, there is a difference between hypothetically living among different groups of people and actually doing so. And I can honestly say that while there are certainly differences in lifestyle, values and culture, I don't feel that my life is in any way limited by the fact that the majority of people I see daily are different than I. If anything, this expansion of my world has enhanced my life by proving to me time and time again that people want the same things out of life. That we do not all have the same approach does not change the fact that we are all programmed to want peace, love and happiness.

When I see a Latina mother holding her biracial son, my mind registers the way they look physically. For about one second. Then I see how she bounces him on her knee and strokes his head to get him to stop crying. And she then becomes another mother, just like me. When I see two gay men holding hands, I recognize that they are both men. Briefly. Then that image gives way to the realization that they are supporting each other through the day the same way I do when I am in love with someone. When I see a two black girls laughing in the most animated way imaginable about something that I have no way of understanding in the moment, I see them as black. At first. Then I think about how I love to go out with my best girlfriend and make fun of things that no one else would ever think was funny. And that empathy creates the memory I carry of the encounter.

I am not going to lie. I struggle with the burqa.

That one is tough on me. Because I do not understand it. But I look more closely and see that the woman inside with the gorgeous almond shaped eyes is peering out at the world; taking in the beauty of a SoCal afternoon and experiencing the same languid energy that I feel in that moment. That I cannot see her does not need to diminish our shared experience. That is what I have decided.

We alone control our own ability to perceive and process life as it happens. I firmly believe that the reason I have never had any problems with people who are different than I am ethnically and with regards to their sexual orientation, is because I DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE PROBLEMS BASED ON THOSE DIFFERENCES. I have never approached it in any other way. They have their way of doing things, and I have mine. Frankly, if you ever take a minute to ask someone who is different than you are about his or her life, you will usually get an answer which will illuminate something about your own choices. It's called PARTICIPATING IN THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

But of course groups cannot have people thinking in these terms. They cannot have you experiencing your own life in an individual, personal way and then using that experience to better understand your place in this world. Groups need people to be weak. They need you to be compliant. They need you to lack compassion and fail to access your empathy for others. They NEED to constantly point out our differences and exploit them for the sake of their own objectives. They WANT you to see the guy who cut you off in traffic as a Chinese guy instead of just a bad driver. They REQUIRE you to second guess your own instincts, which tell you that when you stop and think about it, there is much more that the human race has in common than it does not have in common. And this kind of power struggle for your individuality that exists in life makes it difficult for us to remain human. We begin to see ourselves in terms of categories. Black. White. Male. Female. Gay. Straight. American. Muslim. And these labels, while accurate in defining certain aspects of our lives, become an anvil around our collective neck; pulling us downward and anchoring us to the idea that the process of life is somehow more important than life itself. We begin to believe that somehow, life is not as important if we aren't identified properly as part of these various groups. And then, de facto, anyone who is NOT in our group is marginalized. Their lives and experiences become less important to us as individuals. And that mindset is what lends itself to the idea of racism. When you stop to remember that a Latino person is a PERSON; when you remove that label, then it becomes much easier to relate to his experience. And that is the LAST thing that the mainstream media and elected officials want you to do. They want you to remember at all times who you are in their terms. They want you to need them to tell you who you are. If you reject their premise, and see yourself as an individual, they lose all their power.

It is difficult to remain mentally vigilant when we are constantly inundated with so many reasons to become part of the group. For me, it always comes down to this one question. How does it make me feel empowered to believe that other people do not have access to the same things to which I have access? It doesn't. I mean, can the best things in life really only be achieved by a limited portion of the population? Why would that belief system ever serve me? It doesn't. What makes me feel connected to humanity, is the realization that we are more alike than we are different. All of the man made constructs which divide us are easy to dismantle. It simply requires each of us to reject the idea that the sum is greater than its parts. 

BB

The Perfect Weapon

As we celebrate the fourth today, let us be mindful of all that makes us Americans. The freedom with which we communicate. The fact that we have the right to defend ourselves, both as a collective and individually, from persons who wish to take our freedoms. The privilege that we may use our private homes in the way which we, as individuals choose; and not merely as extensions of military housing. The privacy which allows us to protect our property and assets from being surveilled by the government. The right to not incriminate ourselves. The guarantee that if we are accused of a crime; we will have counsel, and a speedy and fair trial by a jury of our peers. Protection from cruel and unusual punishment. The flexibility of our constitution to be expanded and contracted contextually in accommodation of the evolution of life in America. And the promise that there will continue to be different levels of government; not merely one giant, uncontrolled behemoth, lumbering onward without regard to state and local boundaries. The further we, as a country, move away from our colonial days; the easier it becomes to forget WHY these freedoms are enumerated in the Bill of Rights. But when one takes a hard look at the revolutions taking place in other parts of the world, their context becomes all too clear.

These rights are expressed every day in the way in which we, as Americans, live our lives. Our military and public servants sacrifice much to keep us free. But in lock step with that sacrifice, we have the daily rigor of American innovation, entrepreneurship, education, religious practice, private philanthropy and family life. Each American adult has both the ability and the obligation to utilize his most prized and valuable gift from our forefathers in order to secure our unique and independent way of life: the vote. Today, let us be most grateful for that tacit weapon of mass construction. 

BB